We started trying for a baby back in August last year. The decision itself was taken much earlier but we wanted to have “one final, blow out holiday” before, as we hope, kids come along it becomes harder to get away. My dream destination was Havana so we booked up and planned to leave all contraception behind for the trip in late June – I suggested ‘Havana’ as a good girls name but it was vetoed! Unfortunately, Cuba and also Mexico (where I had traveled a coupled of months previously) both had cases of Zika Virus and in the end I was advised by my doctor to wait until at least 1 month after arriving home to the UK before we started trying.
I imagined that trying for a baby would be a lot of fun (and don’t get me wrong…it is certainly very enjoyable!) but I hadn’t banked on it also being pretty stressful. In my mind I would be very laid back, enjoy trying and if it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. But almost immediately I found myself not being able to stop thinking about whether there was already a baby in there or not! In that first month, long before my period was due, I started feeling nauseous and was convinced that, what was probably just a bug, was morning sickness!
Now it’s almost 8 months on and still no sign of a bun in the oven. Although I read up and now know I probably won’t have morning sickness that early, I’m sure I’m not the only women who finds herself thinking more and more about what might be going on in my uterus as the month goes on, constantly on alert for signs of something happening or my period arriving. It drives me crazy that I keep thinking about it instead of just waiting to see and each time we’re disappointed I feel an idiot for letting myself hope.
As maybe clear from the above, yesterday I got my period. For some reason, I was particularly sure this month that I had conceived (don’t even know why!) and I was 2 days late so I was particularly upset. After crying on my other half for a bit, I decided to try giving this blog a go as somewhere to vent my frustrations at being a woman! Thanks for listening.